What to know when visiting someone in a mental health hospital
Patients are separated from family, lonely, and live in unfamiliar surroundings without the normal comforts of home. If you have a friend or family member staying in a mental facility, you might ask yourself, "Should I visit them?" The answer is almost always, "yes." Being away from family and friends is a lonely experience. Visits remind patients they are loved, cared for, and not forgotten.
But, the idea of visiting a psychiatric hospital is intimidating. Because most of us have never seen the inside of a mental hospital, we develop our ideas from movie and television. What's more, most psychiatric wards are secure environments. This means they involve security measures, such as locked doors, restricted access areas, and security personnel, which are intimidating to visitors who might not understand their purpose. When you combine the intimidation of a mental hospital with the change in your friend's mood, thought, and behavior, it makes it very easy to stay away.
This post aims to demystify the visiting experience so that your friend or family member might be refreshed by a visit. Here are some things to think about when you visit a friend or family member in a mental hospital.
Before you go:
Try to answer a few basic questions before you visit. You can find the answers by simply reading the hospital website. Look specifically for the psychiatric department. A lot of psychiatric wards are part of a larger hospital, so a simple internet search will only take you to the main hospital site. Google exactly what you're looking for. For example, "mayo clinic psychiatric visiting policy." If this doesn't work, then simply call the hospital. The most reliable way to get up-to-date answers is by talking directly to staff members. Here are the questions:
"What are the visiting hours?" Don't just show up and expect to see a patient. There are designated visiting hours. When you find out what they are, you'll also want to call the patient to see if they’d like you to visit during one of those times.
"Am I on the patient's visitor's list?" Most hospitals have a list of visitors who have been approved by the patient. You'll want to ensure that you are on that list. Call the hospital staff to ask them, and also confirm it with the patient. You don’t want to arrive for a visit only to be turned away because you’re not listed on the list of approved visitors.
"What personal items are allowed?" For example, some places may require you to leave cell phones and keys in a storage area, while others don't have these restrictions. It's just helpful to know before you go.
"What items can I bring to the patient?" Check with hospital staff to see what you are allowed to bring to the patient, e.g. slippers, socks, clothes, journal, books, word search puzzles. Then, once you know, ask the patient if they would like to receive any of these. It's a good idea to know before telling them that you'll bring something. It prevents a bit of disappointment for the patient and frustration for you when the staff says something you've brought isn't allowed.
When you get to the hospital:
Arrive early. Always arrive at least fifteen minutes before the visit. Most likely there will be security to go through. It doesn’t take long, but can still take away time from visiting.
Leave unnecessary items in your car. Be prepared to leave things that aren't allowed such as cell phones, watches, belts, purses in your car or a locker. *See above.
Bring ID. Don’t forget to bring a photo ID with you into the hospital. They will need to verify who you are and if you're on the visiting list.
Don't be surprised by other patients. Remember the context for the visit: you are going to a hospital where people are not well. If you were visiting any other hospital, you'd expect to see people in beds, IVs, and nurses. Likewise, you should expect to see things related to a psychiatric hospital during this visit. Don’t be surprised if you see people who are severely depressed in the community room or people talking to themselves. They're not dangerous. Instead, just like patients in other hospitals, they aren't well and are getting the help they need to become better.
During the visit:
Communicating may be difficult. Depending upon your friend or family’s condition, communicating could be difficult. If they are experiencing psychosis, they could speak quickly, and their thoughts might be disorganized. You may not be able to get a word in. Their thoughts could be largely delusional. Or if they’re severely depressed, they may say nothing at all, leaving a lot of silent space.
Don’t argue with the patient’s perspective. Most people just want to be seen and heard when they’re in a mental health crisis. Give them space to be mentally ill. Don’t try to correct them if their thoughts are detached from reality, e.g. “I’m being watched.” We can listen and accept a person without agreeing with them. Instead, allow them to talk and be heard. Generally, trying to talk someone out of their delusions will tend to reinforce them. I.e., they will become more fixated on them and cling to delusions even more. Simply practice active listening. Furthermore, give them space to act or speak a little differently than others.
Never try to minimize their thoughts/ perspective. If a friend claims, “There are snakes in my room.” Don’t say, “That’s ridiculous! There aren’t any snakes in your room.” Instead, say something like, “Have you told the staff about this?” Or “How do you deal with them?” It’s not necessary to agree with them in order to validate their experience. For example, a patient was convinced that scorpions were in his room. He wasn't scared or upset; he just wanted everyone to know it. "A new one hatched last night," he told a staff member in a matter-of-fact manner. She responded with a smile and kindly asked, "Have you named it yet?" "No, not yet," he replied and quietly walked back to his room. All he wanted was someone to see and hear him in that moment, which is precisely what the staff member did. He was satisfied and went on with his day.
Everyone wants to be respected and heard. Too often, persons struggling with their mental health can be treated like children and don’t feel heard. Use the tools of active listening, empathy, and rapport building. Demonstrate genuine care.
Validate. In her excellent article entitled, "The Dos and Don'ts of Visiting Someone in a Psychiatric Hospital" author Salley Buchanan-Hagen writes, "Never underestimate the power of validation. If someone is depressed, instead of responding with pity or an upbeat (and often corny) saying, say: 'that sounds really tough' or something similar. If someone is psychotic, then their psychosis is just as real to them, as to whatever is going on in your life. Don’t dismiss it because chances are that person is going to become confused, angry and hostile towards you. Listen to them and take what they have to say seriously." She continues by saying,
"Treat the person the same as you would when they’re well. Your loved one is still in there and no matter how unwell they are, they will know if you’re treating them differently. When I’m psychotic, although I lose touch with reality, I still retain my intelligence and empathy and I can tell if people are treating me differently. If they are it makes you feel misunderstood, isolated, paranoid and alone."
After the visit:
Send cards or letters to the person.
Pick up the phone if they call. This can be difficult when they person calling isn't well. They might speak in delusions or call at untimely hours, but picking up the phone communicates that you are someone they can count on.
These simple acts communicate value to patients in mental facilities. The vast majority of us aren't trained medical professionals. We can't diagnose or provide treatments. But we can provide hope to a friend who may be at their lowest moment. By visiting them and maintaining that contact, we communicate" "you're important, you're cared for, and you're not in this alone."
Subscribe to the blog
Get the latest posts and resources delivered to you. No spam. Ever.